Real-Life Punch-Out!! Characters
by El Destruyo on Oct 26, 2010 7:25 PM EDT
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Thinking of Vinny Pazienza's clowning-without-punching during the Roy Jones Jr. beating the other day, and watching Barrera-Hamed for the first time today, I've realized that there are a ton of boxers who fight/fought with the perfect combination of cartoonish exaggration and odd physicality. You could probably make a great edition to Nintendo's Punch-Out!! series using real fighters alone. Such as:
-Peter Buckley: A 32-256-12 fighter, for the Glass Joe slot.
-Vinny Pazienza: in late-career format. He never actually throws many punches, but he has the power to debiltate you through clowning alone.
-Prince Naseem Hamed: no defense whatsoever, but make sure to avoid his Power Prince Left. Here's a hint: he yells "Allah Akbar!" and several fireworks from his ring entrance go off just before he throws this power punch.
-Nikolai Valuev: his hideous visage alone will give this version of the game a Teen rating. Really doesn't do much in the way of fighting, but it's hard to reach his head, and be warned: if this fight goes the distance, you will always lose the decision.
-Emmanuel Augustus: In spite of Nintendo censorship, we'll have the Drunken Master actually take swigs of wood alcohol and spit fire in the middle of rounds. Vodka Drunkenenski has nothing on him.
-Shannon Briggs: Punch-Out!! characters always have big, loud indicators that let you know it's time to strike back. This asthmatic annihilator can throw heavy blows early in the fight: get him while he's wheezing.
-Antonio Margarito: I'd just love to see his ugly mug and hair made into 8-bit graphics. His Tornado punch is a classic 16-punch combo that's very hard to block, and you'd better knock him out early, because in later rounds, his fists start to...harden.
-Paul Malinaggi: Already the model for the last incarnation of Little Mac, here he fights by whipping hair extensions at you. Punch him three times in a row, and he gets tangled up in them until his corner cuts them off.
-Joe Frazier: Mr. Sandman already seems to have stolen his game anyway; we just replace uppercuts with the baddest left hook around, and add a little more awkward flapping.
-The Klitschkos: Super Punch-Out!! for the SNES ended with the Bruiser brothers, twin brothers who fans of the series were unenthused with, finding them personality-less and rather drab champions. Sound familiar?
-Floyd Mayweather Jr: Not actually in this game, but like Sheng Long in Street Fighter II, everyone claims they have the code to unlock him. The latest rumor involves him appearing when you lose 15 times in a row. Don't believe it.
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Eubank.. He’d make a good ‘baddy’!
by Phill on Oct 26, 2010 5:15 AM EDT via mobile reply actions
Nate Campbell – If you don’t do anything for 30 seconds, he just sticks his chin out there and that’s the time to hit him.
Bad Left Hook - The SB Nation boxing blog
"Baseball is played on the field, not on a calculator."
Heh, that’s a good secret. You have to join the Nintendo Fun Club to learn tips like that.
by El Destruyo on Oct 26, 2010 12:48 PM EDT up reply actions
That remains one of my personal favourite knockouts.
Can’t even remember who he was fighting now, but that moment just as the shot came, you could see him thinking for a split-second: “Fuck, what have I done here?”
then it was a case of him going down like a 16 year old after a drinking contest….
Most fight fans would not spend a dime to watch Van Gogh paint 'Sunflowers', but they would fill Yankee Stadium to see him cut off his ear. (Bill Nack)
Robbie Peden?
If I’m right, my memory is functioning beautifully…
Such were the days, still, hot, heavy, disappearing one by one into the past, as if falling into an abyss for ever open in the wake of the ship; and the ship, lonely under a wisp of smoke, held on her steadwast way black and smouldering in a luminous immensity, as if scorched by a flame flicked at her from a heaven without pity.
by Oli Goldstein on Oct 26, 2010 4:21 PM EDT up reply actions
That's the fella.
Strangely enough, I’ve not seen Campbell try that shit since….
Most fight fans would not spend a dime to watch Van Gogh paint 'Sunflowers', but they would fill Yankee Stadium to see him cut off his ear. (Bill Nack)
Hahaha, I hadn’t seen that, so I looked it up on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5nPIeDqelI that’s too funny… then he’s all pissed when the ref stopped the fight (though it did seem like the count was very quick, but then again, he still hadn’t regained his legs)
Officially boycotting Pacquiao vs. Margarito.
Fire Steve Addazio.
Its absolutely priceless. Genuinely up there with the Zab Chicken Dance.
Such were the days, still, hot, heavy, disappearing one by one into the past, as if falling into an abyss for ever open in the wake of the ship; and the ship, lonely under a wisp of smoke, held on her steadwast way black and smouldering in a luminous immensity, as if scorched by a flame flicked at her from a heaven without pity.
by Oli Goldstein on Oct 27, 2010 12:33 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
It's not THAT good... :D
Most fight fans would not spend a dime to watch Van Gogh paint 'Sunflowers', but they would fill Yankee Stadium to see him cut off his ear. (Bill Nack)
Yeah, maybe I got a bit ahead of myself! If Nate was an arrogant arsehole, it’d be up there with Zab. Fortunately, he’s not, so Zab wins this one.
Such were the days, still, hot, heavy, disappearing one by one into the past, as if falling into an abyss for ever open in the wake of the ship; and the ship, lonely under a wisp of smoke, held on her steadwast way black and smouldering in a luminous immensity, as if scorched by a flame flicked at her from a heaven without pity.
by Oli Goldstein on Oct 27, 2010 1:19 PM EDT up reply actions
—VS—
Most fight fans would not spend a dime to watch Van Gogh paint 'Sunflowers', but they would fill Yankee Stadium to see him cut off his ear. (Bill Nack)
Not sure....
I think Zab’s spontaneous and hitherto unsuspected dancing skills have pretty much anyone beat on this one.
I’d like to see another KO that had someone doing the Fred Astaire more than Zab did….
Most fight fans would not spend a dime to watch Van Gogh paint 'Sunflowers', but they would fill Yankee Stadium to see him cut off his ear. (Bill Nack)
Briggs did a decent impression in the 4th and 5th rounds against Lewis.
Such were the days, still, hot, heavy, disappearing one by one into the past, as if falling into an abyss for ever open in the wake of the ship; and the ship, lonely under a wisp of smoke, held on her steadwast way black and smouldering in a luminous immensity, as if scorched by a flame flicked at her from a heaven without pity.
by Oli Goldstein on Oct 27, 2010 3:52 PM EDT up reply actions
But Briggs at least didn't go down.....
I mean,if we’re only talking dance moves, Valuev showed some silky skills against Haye in the 12th….
Most fight fans would not spend a dime to watch Van Gogh paint 'Sunflowers', but they would fill Yankee Stadium to see him cut off his ear. (Bill Nack)
Hahaha
Valuev perfected the Robot on Ice look.
Such were the days, still, hot, heavy, disappearing one by one into the past, as if falling into an abyss for ever open in the wake of the ship; and the ship, lonely under a wisp of smoke, held on her steadwast way black and smouldering in a luminous immensity, as if scorched by a flame flicked at her from a heaven without pity.
by Oli Goldstein on Oct 27, 2010 8:34 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
I heard they want him to play the lead antagonist in the next Transformers movie...
Most fight fans would not spend a dime to watch Van Gogh paint 'Sunflowers', but they would fill Yankee Stadium to see him cut off his ear. (Bill Nack)
Briggs’ swinging left hook where he fell over in the fifth – and when Cappucino subsequently stops the fight – really reminded me of the gracefulness of Swan Lake.
Such were the days, still, hot, heavy, disappearing one by one into the past, as if falling into an abyss for ever open in the wake of the ship; and the ship, lonely under a wisp of smoke, held on her steadwast way black and smouldering in a luminous immensity, as if scorched by a flame flicked at her from a heaven without pity.
by Oli Goldstein on Oct 27, 2010 8:36 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
by 'go down' I kind of meant 'get knocked out'
It was late….
Most fight fans would not spend a dime to watch Van Gogh paint 'Sunflowers', but they would fill Yankee Stadium to see him cut off his ear. (Bill Nack)
Hahaha don’t worry! It is a really good dance move though…
Such were the days, still, hot, heavy, disappearing one by one into the past, as if falling into an abyss for ever open in the wake of the ship; and the ship, lonely under a wisp of smoke, held on her steadwast way black and smouldering in a luminous immensity, as if scorched by a flame flicked at her from a heaven without pity.
by Oli Goldstein on Oct 28, 2010 7:10 AM EDT up reply actions
Yeah, that was beautiful
Don't tell me I play bum notes - I KNOW!
by Randy Loathsome on Oct 30, 2010 4:09 PM EDT up reply actions
This post is comedy gold. Nice.
Boxing writer: "Iran, what are you going to do when you retire?"
Iran Barkley: "Rob your house"
Very funny
Especially the Mayweather joke!
"All the time he's boxing, he's thinking. All the time he was thinking, I was hitting him." - Jack Dempsey
You have been absent from class.
You are no longer entitled to an opinion. :P
Most fight fans would not spend a dime to watch Van Gogh paint 'Sunflowers', but they would fill Yankee Stadium to see him cut off his ear. (Bill Nack)
Clown Prince?
Jorge Paez, of course. But great little fighter too.
Eubanks, yes! Great fighter and what an attitude!
Muhammed Ali, why not?
Don't tell me I play bum notes - I KNOW!
by Randy Loathsome on Oct 30, 2010 4:08 PM EDT reply actions
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