FanPost

Real-Life Punch-Out!! Characters

FanPost front-paged by Scott.

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Thinking of Vinny Pazienza's clowning-without-punching during the Roy Jones Jr. beating the other day, and watching Barrera-Hamed for the first time today, I've realized that there are a ton of boxers who fight/fought with the perfect combination of cartoonish exaggration and odd physicality. You could probably make a great edition to Nintendo's Punch-Out!! series using real fighters alone. Such as:

-Peter Buckley: A 32-256-12 fighter, for the Glass Joe slot.

-Vinny Pazienza: in late-career format. He never actually throws many punches, but he has the power to debiltate you through clowning alone.

-Prince Naseem Hamed: no defense whatsoever, but make sure to avoid his Power Prince Left. Here's a hint: he yells "Allah Akbar!" and several fireworks from his ring entrance go off just before he throws this power punch.

-Nikolai Valuev: his hideous visage alone will give this version of the game a Teen rating. Really doesn't do much in the way of fighting, but it's hard to reach his head, and be warned: if this fight goes the distance, you will always lose the decision.

-Emmanuel Augustus: In spite of Nintendo censorship, we'll have the Drunken Master actually take swigs of wood alcohol and spit fire in the middle of rounds. Vodka Drunkenenski has nothing on him.

-Shannon Briggs: Punch-Out!! characters always have big, loud indicators that let you know it's time to strike back. This asthmatic annihilator can throw heavy blows early in the fight: get him while he's wheezing.

-Antonio Margarito: I'd just love to see his ugly mug and hair made into 8-bit graphics. His Tornado punch is a classic 16-punch combo that's very hard to block, and you'd better knock him out early, because in later rounds, his fists start to...harden.

-Paul Malinaggi: Already the model for the last incarnation of Little Mac, here he fights by whipping hair extensions at you. Punch him three times in a row, and he gets tangled up in them until his corner cuts them off.

-Joe Frazier: Mr. Sandman already seems to have stolen his game anyway; we just replace uppercuts with the baddest left hook around, and add a little more awkward flapping.

-The Klitschkos: Super Punch-Out!! for the SNES ended with the Bruiser brothers, twin brothers who fans of the series were unenthused with, finding them personality-less and rather drab champions. Sound familiar?

-Floyd Mayweather Jr: Not actually in this game, but like Sheng Long in Street Fighter II, everyone claims they have the code to unlock him. The latest rumor involves him appearing when you lose 15 times in a row. Don't believe it.

<strong><font color="red">FanPosts are user-created content written by community members of Bad Left Hook, and are generally not the work of our editors. <em>Please do not source FanPosts as the work of Bad Left Hook</em>.</font></strong>

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