Roy Jones Jr will reportedly fight Kimbo Slice in an exhibition match in Jamaica. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
In news that you can pretty much only hope is mostly BS, The Jamaica Observer is reporting that Roy Jones Jr will continue his career, sort of, with an exhibition fight against "streetfighting legend" and former UFC, um, participant Kimbo Slice this December, in Montego Bay.
Keep in mind that stories like this one come along a few times a year. Some dopey businessmen are always said to be staging Holyfield-Tyson III in Abu Dhabi or whatever, and it doesn't happen. This will hopefully just become one of those "someone actually is talking about it, but let's be serious, it won't happen" things.
Let's say it does happen, though: I'm actually not sure which part is most depressing.
Is it "exhibition bout"? There has to be some type of, "Well, it's kinda pretend, folks" quality to where people aren't going to feel ripped off by a low-rent, pathetic version of professional boxing.
Is it that the best boxer of the 1990s, once the key star of the HBO boxing brand, is reduced to, "Well, I fight for the fans," which is an admirable goal, and I remain a Roy Jones fan and all that, but washed-up actors do small-time conventions where they don't fit in "for the fans," too, and seeing them sit at a table with a stack of 8x10s no one wants isn't much fun. Roy can fight for the fans. But the fans aren't interested. I think people would rather get an 8x10 and a chance to talk to him for a solid minute than see him fight at this point. Everyone knows the deal. Shit, I'd rather watch him do a public workout than actually fight. Roy seems like a good guy, and I don't doubt his intentions. I really don't. I think they're pure. But I can't pretend even the thought of him entertaining a "fight" with Kimbo Slice isn't a bit of a bring-down.
Or is it Kimbo Slice? I'd go on about Kimbo's pro boxing career, but it always makes it seem like I have something against him, which I don't, and not his "promoter," which I do in this case, and not on a personal level, because I don't know any of them personally, but their level of bullshit is so dramatically high in this case that it becomes more than a joke, it starts to become actually offensive to anyone who has a functioning brain, kind of like the marketing of P!nk as a fiercely independent, do-it-herself artist.
Anyway, I hope it doesn't fuckin' happen, but it might, and if it does, I guess I just don't really give a shit, but it's still hard to not sigh a little.
And if it were a real boxing match, Jones in one -- two, if he felt like giving the fans a "show."