This year has been amazing. Golden Boy in particular is getting fighters in the ring at the right moment. I feel downright spoiled this year- and it's not even over yet! But damn if it isn't every time I invite a friend over to convince them boxing is cool, one of these stinkers comes snoozing across the screen.
Sergio Martinez vs. Martin Murray
I actually got my wife to agree to go to Argentina on a vacation around the time of this fight because I love Sergio Martinez. I heard they have great steaks and leather down there and taxis are real cheap. The vacation didn't pan out, which was a blessing in disguise, because I would have been pissed if we flew all the way down there for this soggy farce.
After a rain delay- it was in a soccer stadium- the prodigal son came home to slaughter an opponent on home turf. They played their anthem, the stage was set, a bell rang, then... ughh. I started cleaning my house at round seven and by the end of it, I caught glimpses of it between washing dishes. Murray did gain my respect and I look forward to his next fight- he should have won. As for Martinez, my friend said it best: "Every fighter gets old in one fight."
Floyd Mayweather Jr. vs. Robert Guerrero
I was out of town, day drinking, and the more beers I had, the more I convinced myself I needed to watch this fight. The All Access pre-fight coverage didn't do the build up to this fight any favors and I really had no interest in wasting $60 on this... until the booze kicked in. Then I told everyone within earshot that this fight was happening tonight and WE NEEDED TO WATCH IT. My friends called sports bars, kareoke bars, Mexican restaurants- not one of them was showing the fight. Ended up finding a friend of a friend and finally, come ten o'clock, threw my $60 down on a coffee table in some strange empty penthouse overlooking the city (don't ask).
Trying to find the fight was more fun than the fight. The undercard was aight, but then there's Floyd. Look, I get Floyd. I like Floyd, been watching him his whole career. But I'm bored. Tired of his wait 'n bait, pop and move, shoulder-rolling shimmy-sham. And Guerrero did nothing to force Floyd to change any of that. He was as bewildered as a bear trying to work a Coke machine.
Ishe Smith vs. Cornelius "K9" Bundrage
This fight was just off. It was like they were fighting in the dark. Flailing overhands, air jabs, whiffing hooks- it was like a G.I. Joe cartoon: lots of shots fired, no one getting hit. The judges didn't even know what to make of it. What happened to the days when you had to BEAT A CHAMP AND LEAVE NO REASONABLE DOUBT in order to take their belt? When you had to TAKE IT? Ishe's face is how I felt that night.
Edwin Rodriguez vs. Ezequiel Maderna
I bought the Golovkin PPV vs. Ishida. Wasn't that great? A cheap little daytime PPV- let's see some more of that. I had no idea that this fight was on the card. I don't remember much about this fight, but I do remember my boredom. I remember a man in black coming to my door, flashing his Federal Boxing Fan Protection Agency badge and then a bright light, and then nothing. Did I miss anything?
Devon Alexander vs. Randall Bailey
Yeah, it was in 2012, but its aftertaste still haunts me every time I hear Devon Alexander's name. I love the Barclays crowd for fights. They will not put up with B.S. They were onto this fight from the first round, booing all the way to the end. And it was a long way to the end. I never want to see either of these guys again. I couldn't wait until they got out of the ring. They hugged and grappled and wrapped up and generally did everything but what they were paid to do. I wanted to throw a hot baking pan in the ring so they would have something to use their gloves for. I felt a real anger towards these guys. I wanted Sandman to hop into the ring and sweep them away, but unfortunately the fight was not at the Apollo. Twitter hated it. I quit Twitter.
Robert Helenius vs. Sherman "The Tank" Williams
I had just finished watching Wladimir Klitschko outclass Mariusz Wach and then stuck around on EPIX to try and get my boxing fix.
I did not get my fix that day.
Instead, I got some flabby looking Nordic sloth trying to impress his home crowd by beating on a shorter, flabbier guy. Wladimir could have beat these guys with one arm tied behind his back at the same time. But I sat through it and cursed the boxing Gods- oh, why Lord do thou punish me with such putridness?
I like Williams. He's just a guy earning a paycheck the hard way. He's got one punch: an overhand right. He landed it on Helenius' doughy head and wobbled him for a second. The clouds parted and the gods smiled- is this your answer, my Lord? Whilst though lead me to the land of Golden KOs? But no, the fight slogged on after that for a full ten rounds and it rained and I questioned why I watch boxing at all. It was a dark day.
8/12/13 UPDATE: Two fights have been added from comments.
Richard Abril vs.-Sharif Bogere
"i totally understand what you mean about feeling angry"- nickfoxx
Seth Mitchell vs. Jonathan Banks II
"Banks rematch almost sent me into a coma."- Counterpunch
"Easily the worst fight i’ve seen in the past few years."- The_Great_Lestrade
* I make no claims of authority on this subject. Feel free to let me know what fights didn't make the list and why they sucked