FanPost

Oozing Snot

I'm oozing snot.

I don't know why; I think it may be an allergic reaction to being me. It pours out of my nose, day and night, and never stops. It may be related to my sleep problem, which is why I’m sometimes on BLH at 1:30 in the morning.

My wife, who is Chinese (surprise!) has some quaint ideas about the efficacy of 5,000 years of folk medicine. She's well-educated, but a literary type. I'm an evolutionary biologist, although with strong literary leanings. I'm also a Swede. This can cause cultural and gender conflicts of nuclear magnitude.My wife still doesn't understand that everything is made of molecules, or that the Earth orbits the Sun. The list goes on and on.

She also subscribes to the idea of bodily "humors" (humours to you Brits), the idea that there is a balance of four or five substances that can create or destroy health. For instance, one morning, when I was making breakfast, I found a jar in one of her kitchen cabinets, full of dried and shriveled red things.

So, I thought, "Oh boy! Cranberries." And I dumped a handful into the oatmeal. Well, they weren’t cranberries. They were some unknown-to-Western-science plant matter that should only be consumed in winter. Or maybe summer; I can’t recall. But I apparently overdosed both of us with some unidentified material with unspecified but dire consequences.


My wife, being Chinese, is like every doting wife, only more so (this is not racist; people really are different, depending on where they’re from). For me, if I get sick, I go to bed and/or drink copious amounts of wine, and then I either get well or die. I think that my wife, like many people, subscribes to the idea of immanent justice, which is to say that you will get what you deserve. I, on the other hand, see the universe as a great, seething, violent and implacable mass of chaos. You get what you get.So, when I get sick, she worries, because she thinks I shouldn’t die. I, on the other hand, resign myself to either possibility.


This is like boxing. Immanent justice. We think that some people deserve more than others, and are happy or sad when things do or don’t work out the way we think they should.


But I still don’t know why I ooze snot. Not fair.


<strong><font color="red">FanPosts are user-created content written by community members of Bad Left Hook, and are generally not the work of our editors. <em>Please do not source FanPosts as the work of Bad Left Hook</em>.</font></strong>

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