I got an interesting email the other day, one I nearly trashed immediately because it seemed too ridiculous to be true. It turns out that the two weren't mutually exclusive - it was in fact both ridiculous AND true. A comedian and staff writer for NBC, named Brandon Scott Wolf, reached out to me to let me know that he was dead serious about challenging the recently retired Floyd Mayweather to a charity fight, probably with the biggest emphasis on 'dead.'
After laughing it off for a few minutes, I figured "what the hell, this is at least funny enough to merit a short Q&A session." So that's exactly what I did, I posed a series of questions to the man himself about his proposed fight, and here are his responses:
Wil: First things first, who the hell are you, anyways?
Brandon: My name's Brandon Scott Wolf and I'm a Brooklyn-based stand-up comedian, a staff writer for NBC's Best Time Ever with Neil Patrick Harris, and the creator of the online dating site parody DateBrandonScottWolf.com: The #1 Online Dating Site For Brandon Scott Wolf. I'm also the guy who's challenging Floyd "Money" Mayweather and only Floyd "Money" Mayweather to a sanctioned boxing match at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada on my new web site FightBrandonScottWolf.com: The #1 Online Fighting Site For Brandon Scott Wolf.
Wil: Why are YOU challenging Floyd Mayweather to a fight?
Brandon: I felt like I had to challenge Mayweather to a fight. That's the one match boxing fans have been talking about non-stop since Mayweather-Pacquiao. Everyone wants to see Mayweather-Wolf. Everyone wants to see Money vs. Funny. People I don't even know come up to me on a daily basis and say things like "I wanna see you fight Mayweather," "I hope Mayweather's man enough to step in the ring with you," and "You know you're going to die, right?" Honestly, up until this point the only person to my knowledge who hasn't been talking about "The Fight of the Century For Brandon 'Scott' Wolf" is Mayweather.
Wil: Seriously, WTF are you thinking?
Brandon: After launching DateBrandonScottWolf.com over 750 people from Brisbane,to Birmingham, Alabama created profiles and took the site's free online personality quiz, which got me thinking, "If DateBrandonScottWolf.com worked -- what else can I do?" And now we're here. I'm challenging Floyd Mayweather to boxing match, I'm asking Ronda Rousey and The Rock if they will train me, and I'm getting interviewed by SB Nation. And now, I'm thinking, "How far can I take this?"
Wil: How do you plan to lure Mayweather out of retirement?
Brandon: It's funny that you just mentioned he's retired because when I launched FightBrandonScottWolf.com he wasn't. Now, I'm not saying he's "scared of me," or that "he's ducking me," but I am interested in hearing why he threw in the towel and said "I've done it all" when he clearly has never competed against a stand-up comedian in a sanctioned boxing match at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, Nevada LIVE on HBO. So Floyd, if you are reading this -- you haven't done it all.
Wil: Are you at all worried about the slim-to-none chances that he actually accepts this fight - being that it could only end badly for you?
Brandon: Not in the least. I'm either the one person in the universe who has what it takes to defeat the undefeated arguably pound-for-pound best boxer in history or I'm going to have the most exciting and entertaining public execution since Marie Antoinette. Either way it's going to be memorable.
Plus, I'm prepared for any and all outcomes. That's why my Living Will and Testament is already on FightBrandonScottWolf.com.
Wil: What can you bring to the ring that Floyd Mayweather hasn't seen before?
Brandon: Mayweather has no way of scouting me. There's no tape for him to watch, there's no info out there on my fighting style, and aside from the Tale of the Tape on FightBrandonScottWolf.com that lists my height, weight, and my reach on Twitter there's really no way for him to make a game plan.
I'm sure that's something he's never had to encounter before.
Wil: If this fight does happen, how will you spend your purse money?
Brandon: I said this in the FightBrandonScottWolf.com Promo Video, but it's important for me to reiterate this: All of the proceeds I make from the match will be donated and evenly split between the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, an organization that wants to create a culture where domestic violence is NOT tolerated, and ProLiteracy, an organization that believes every adult has a right to literacy. Of course, after all of my hospital bills are paid in full.
Wil: After the preceding questions, I don't suppose you've come to your senses yet, have you?
Brandon: What do you think?
Wil: What message do you want to send to the fans?
Brandon: Right now it doesn't matter if I'm talking to my fans, his fans, fans of comedy, fans of boxing, or box fans let me make this clear: I want my Wikipedia page to start off by saying "Brandon Scott Wolf is an American comedian, writer, and professional boxer." Though after saying everything I just said, I am aware there's a pretty good chance in the near future that my Wikipedia page may start off by saying "Brandon Scott Wolf WAS an American comedian, writer, and professional boxer."
So there you have it, the man and the willing martyr. Brandon respectfully asks that you follow him on twitter (@BrandonEsWolf) to help him apply the pressure to Floyd, who is probably in some far away land at this very moment, counting his stacks, not giving a damn about no Brandon Scott Wolf.